Birthdays

In the midst of preparing for people’s birthdays…choosing presents and making birthday cards… i was overwhelmed with a tsumani of thoughts. Someone asked me what birthdays are to me. I thought about it. And i realise… It means a lot to me.

I remember in Shanghai, Tiff asked me what kind of birthday i would like to have. I remember telling her i would rather not expect anything than to be disappointed. Sounds sad…but it kinda works that way. And what they did for me, was so out of this world that i can’t say anything else but that it was a night i will remember for the rest of my life, and a long way for many of my birthdays to come.

Gifts to me…are like…love them or hate them. There’s only two ways to go about it. No intermediary. No “ok lor” about it. Which is why when i go on the hunt for gifts for others, they have to be perfect. If i think the person may/may not like it, then chances are, that’s not it. It has to be the one. It may sound way scary, but a lot of times, i use gifts to gauge how well a person knows me.  And when the gift shows that they don’t…i get very disappointed and very upset. Which explains why i am not really comfortable opening gifts in front of others…because i can’t act appreciation. One of the worse moments is if someone thinks that i will like it. Man… those situations are bad.

Although I am not a soft toy person… i esteemed this as highly valuable. And i decided i ought to give credit and show some appreciation here. *winkz*

Way to go Joey Chan.

 

 

It’s heavy

Journeys… Processes…We all go through them. They’re all part of moulding us, preparing us and shaping us.

My heart feels really heavy for this Brother who is going through his crunch time.

Looking at him has always been an encouragment to me.

I have seen how Daddy worked in him, through the years.

The same guy i knew a long long time ago, was not the same man i now know.

He has grown and matured in the Lord. Evidently.

And that always encourages me.

But as the crunch time now hits… it has hit a very very fatal  and fragile spot.

It is fatal. Because it can break a man. Completely. But I know that this very breaking, allows for the laying of an even firmer and more stable foundation.

The only thing I can do for you, is to pray. That He unveils your eyes to see what you need to see. That in Him, you will find your confidence and your strength. In Him you will find your comfort and your assurance. In Him you will realise your identity. Let Him do a deep work in you. A deep deep work.

James1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my borthers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”

It’s ok to say yea, i crumbled. It’s ok to say I’m weak. It’s ok to say I’ve failed. It’s ok to say I’m not steadfast. It’s ok. It’s really ok. We’re all growing, we’re all learning. These things do not come overnight, they come with time, with “training”. But each time, we will come out stronger than before. How long will it take? I don’t know. When is the finishing point? I don’t have an answer. But i know the end is intoxicating. It is sweet. So hang in there. 

Romans 5:3-5 “More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produce endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Even Abraham had his own doubts I’m sure. The amplified version of Romans 4:18 says ” [For Abraham, human reason for] HOPE BEING GONE, HOPE IN FAITH that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been promised.”

What the Father has promised. So He shall deliver.

I implore you. Don’t give up hope.

Hitting the Mark - Arrow Camp 2008

So this is what i went back for… after much waiting, much anticipation, much expectation and a fair amount of uncertainty… God was and still is faithful.

Camp Prep… Check out my star fish!! i drew it myself.

My CGL is really one of a kind.

Kissy kissy.

NTU marked.

Who else but our Beloved Talented Lydia who drew us on the map!

Excitedly…we made our way to Batam Harris with all our barang barang. The journey begins. As we start from Harbour Front Ferry Terminal.

When NTU B and NTU C combined forces to become a team: Sophia = Wisdom

 Coach Jo!

The special people in my life.

Roommates

Did the roommates quarrel??

My Dearest Sweetest Di… Immanuel…

The Woman of God who specially called me during Pastor’s ministering when i was in Shanghai.

The Glorious Sisters shining so brightly you need to wear shades!

I still forget and call her Yuanzhen.

One of my closest brothers who faithfully sends me sermons while i was in Shanghai.

The Shephard and his sheep.

We are going to grow grow grow!! Just like a firmly rooted tree in His Word and in His Love!

Love me tender love me sweet!

Ditzy cheers.

Family Shots.

Blissful with my ice cream!

Onboard the ship.

We are cute.

Pucker up.

Alamak the card is upside down.

What a sweeeeeeeeeeeetie pie!!! Pink in all His Glory.

Despite my initial doubts about coming back. Questioning my decision, my portion… the camp has been an affirmation of my journey in Shanghai. Confirmed my direction for the coming year. Shown me that the Ministry has grown and is growing. I’ve been ARROW-ED. This is my ministry. My Home.

The end is just the beginning.

We’re going to see each other hit the mark and stay on the mark.

 

Moganshan

So it all begin because I was working on the sports listings. And I came across the Moganshan Naked experience. Boutique accommodation, biking and hiking, 3 days 2 nights. I thought it sounded like a good get in touch with the nature experience, away from the City life, the hustle and bustle. So I extended the invitation and cajoled the others into joining me. Kenny, Kangwei, Tiff and Laine. Off we headed to Moganshan, Northen Zhejiang.

 It was a 3 hours ride. When we arrived, it was night. I felt like we had entered the Bachelor set. The house was amazing. We did some star gazing. It was the brightest star that  I ever saw in shanghai. Still, nothing compared to what I had seen in Perth and in Maldives previously.

 

So our adventure began the next morning. In a way, I think it was a nightmare for me. Although I was the one who suggested the expedition, I think I was the one who complained the most. LOL. As I was cycling madly up the slope, on the rubbles, panting and sweating profusely, I wondered which idiot came up with the idea, and I realized, yes, it was me. 40km of biking is no joke. Biking! Not cycling. Man. Insane. Every once in a while, I get sudden impulses to pull this kind of stunt on myself, and then regret later on. I find myself highly amusing.

 

Thank God for Tiff. I wouldn’t know what to do without her company. We were always lagging at the back!

Hanging in there… If Dad and Mum did caravaning when they were younger, their kid can be ruggard too!

Some scenary…

I was too tired to take in the sights…

Lunch break…

Silus ’spoilt’ my birthday surprise by unknowingly pulling me to a corner and asking me who the birthday cake is for in our group. He was so embarrassed when he found out what he had done. His reaction was so cute how could i not forgive him. For compensation, i got a fan as a birthday gift. It’s pretty!

Silus, our guide.

 

The singing birthday candle and the fan!

 

Next morning was hiking. I nearly wanted to die. I’ve never hiked on such steep slopes before. I wanted to just throw in the white towel. I think it was worst than the biking. There were time sit was so steep i literally had to go on all fours. And there were times my foot would slide because it was steep and there wasn’t much of a grip with the sand on the ground.

Picking tea leaves on the plantation

On the whole, I really enjoyed the trip. It was such a great time of fellowship and great time off from the city.

Still, somebody please stop me if i pull such stunts again. I think i’ll stick to my East Coast park. No more biking and hiking!

I’ve been thinking…

The youth retreat, was a great retreat for me personally. My role was to be a youth counsellor, and to facilitate discussions and chaperone the kids. I thought I needed to be actively involved, be with them 24/7 and just be everywhere they were and be like one of them and stuff. I was a little bit worried that I wouldn’t be able to connect to them. I  was aware that with younger kids, if they do not respond to me, it would be very easy to feel rejected. I praise God that this point was brought up to me before I went for the retreat. So His shalom peace guarded my heart and opened my eyes to understand that this is not so. Instead of being busy with “mothering” the kids, I basically took a let go approach. To be honest, there were times I felt more like I was tagging along with them, instead of them with me. And I found it pretty funny! But it was good! And I let the two other youth leaders run the show. I wasn’t using this as an excuse to be lazy, but we’re supposed to be “unplugged” – theme of the retreat. So why not just let go? 

When I took  step back, and just sit alone on the grass field, watching them play, enjoying the sun, the sounds and sights around me… I felt peaceful. I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t’ feel rejected. But it was just a very cosy this is me, this is how it should be, and I just “relac in one corner”. It was an amazing feeling. It’s so easy to feel left out and lonely when you see bunches of kids running around, it’s easy to feel like you’re left out and you need to poke your head in and be part of them, feel included. It’s easy to feel out of place, when you as a stranger pop into a youth retreat with kids who seem to already know each other and everyone seems “tight” already. You can feel extra, somewhat redundant. But this retreat was really a different one for me. One which I believe Daddy solidified the idea of being alone but not lonely. And His favour upon me was evident, to receive hugs and notes from the girls considering I didn’t do very much with them. It was so sweet. When you really let go and let God, and you see the harvest…you know that that is God. 

Am increasingly beginning to realise that when you are comfortable with yourself, when you know who you are, when you know where your security lies in, your perception changes. You become stronger within. You just become different. This is something that God is showing me. I saw it while working with the kids as well. How important an identity is. Why different kids behave the way they do. Everything boils down to identity. Daddy amazes me with such a streamlined journey even as I go to the youth retreat. The same points are brought up. Daddy.. you’re amazing, so amazing. 

I have a big question mark. There has been quite a number of stuff on my heart recently. About what we’re learning in church back home, and what I’m learning here. It’s a talking point within me and I think it’s really something good to think about. Time to use my brains around here instead of just passive receiving. I need to receive, discern, process and then digest. The grace message, mentoring, the Christian life…Daddy, I thank you for a good conclusion to all this. J  

“Do not douse the fire. Inevitably the passion will wane. So always encourage another. Bear in mind that it’s not how big the fire is.. but how long it can and will last. Only time can tell what a person is made of.”

 

MayDay

It’s funny, how I come to realise.. that when my blog is inactive… it tends to mean… everything is going super well. Hahaha. Blogging, has become like a form of self expression of encouragement. So when all is quiet.. life is smooth and usually packed with activities…and… I’m lazy to blog! 

A bit of May Day concert. Amazing. Love it. Every bit of it. Crowd of 80,000. The sea of blue from the light sticks. The stadium was humongous and we “sat” under the open sky. Technically, we stood throughout the entire concert. I haven’t  felt such excitement since F4’s first concert in Singapore and Lin Jun Jie’s concert at Singapore Indoor Stadium. There was just an air of excitement and buzz. Joey, Laine and I were crazy running to find the entrance. And when we found our seats, praise the Lord, right smack in the middle of the stage and really close I would say with a good view. The 755rmb was totally worth it! We had no idea where our seats were exactly since it was allocated. We were so blessed!!  

My favourite song of the night should be something entirely MayDay. But my favourite turned out to be Yang Zong Wei’s “Yang Cong”. Technically, it is still MayDay, since the song was written by Ah Xin, himself. Song with simple lyrics but beautifully written. Strong visual imagery graced the lyrics. I went online to find both versions, and I think Ah Xin did a better delivery of it. He is more intense! I’m usually a melody oriented person, so lyrics don’t catch my attention. But his tools of imagery won me over. AND.. I think he sings really clearly so that I can actually catch the lyrics. Something that most singers today seriously lack. Ah Xin is really talented! Woohoo~ 

如果你眼神能够片刻为我降临

如果你能听到心碎的声音

沉默的守护着你

沉默的等奇迹

沉默的让自己像是空气

大家都吃着聊着笑着

今晚多开心

最角落里的我

笑的多合群

盘底的洋葱像我

永远是调味品

偷偷的看着你

偷偷的隐藏自己 

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心

你会发现你会讶异

你是我最压抑最深处的秘密

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心

你会鼻酸你会流泪

只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意 

听你说你和你的他们

暧昧的空气

我和我的绝望

装的很风趣

我就样一个洋葱

永远是配角我

多希望能与你有一秒

专属的剧情 

I must first stress that I’m not being emo and that nothing is wrong with me.  So everybody please don’t anyhow think! This song is just very nice!! Wheeeee~ MayDay rocks!!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S “I’ll be there for you…”

Spent the morning shopping for cooking materials. Had already shopped around for the past few days but didn’t get all the items. Combed a few supermarkets the past few days. From Parksons to Carrefour to Tesco and then the market near our place. On the way, I was starting to get a little dreary. I thought the day off was meant for me to relax a bit, listen sermon, then later on take my time to go and look for last minute items. But I realised I didn’t have as much time as I thought. By the time I reached Tim’s, it was 4pm. I realised I was getting a lil’ into the Martha mode, which was totally not what I had in mind. I kept having to bring myself back into grace and reminding myself that I want to bring “home” to them through my cooking and to enjoy the process of it. 

I was freaking out in the kitchen. Never done sweet and sour pork in my life. And never done bar chor mee on the same day. Plus rojak. Lord. What did I get myself into man! I chided myself for the menu. It was too much. In a day. What was I even thinking! Pray in tongues, really. When you have no idea what you’re doing, you don’t have much time, you have missing ingredients… that is the best time, to trust God. I knew at that moment, that if they enjoyed the meal, all glory to God. I cannot take any credit. I was so close to throwing the whole pot of sweet and sour pork away. The meat was so tough! And the meat were in too big pieces. But that very same pot, Kurk said it tasted exactly like how his mum would have done it. (Actually I gave him the eye because I was likened to HIS MOTHER). Isn’t Daddy amazing? He truly is the hands behind the chef. I couldn’t have done all of that on my own. God is good. 

It was an awesome night. I feel like family in Shanghai. Love them so much. The greatest blessing ever in Shanghai. For what they did for me. I wasn’t emo, and I have never been an emo person at such events, but I was really happy and touched for what they had done.

When the white jacket came out… oh man. It was such a pleasant surprise. When Dillon asked me what I wanted for my birthday,  I told him I couldn’t tell him. Because I place value on quality. And I knew most of the other NTU people were already pretty broke or holding tighter reigns on cash. But I secretly regretted that I wasn’t thick skinned enough to just be cheapskate and say hey I want a sports jacket. I already went to the sports shop to check them out in fact! But couldn’t bear to spend money and buy it myself. I was lamenting just yesterday that I should have brought my white ripcurl jacket over. It’s light and just the right material for the weather now. Thoughts of asking jiejie to ship it over did cross my mind, but I knew that was silly. I told nobody that I wanted a sports jacket. So the present… was really a gift from heaven. Who else but He knew? And between black, pink and white… my brothers chose white. What were the odds man. Perfect fit too. Praise the Lord. I feel so loved.  

Honest, sincere, genuine, real and transparent. Daddy, is this really me? Wow. Such a stark contrast to ongoing claims that I suck at PR. I was kind of amused at what I was hearing. Two sets of different perspectives in 2 different nights, side by side. What a comparison. Well… I really don’t know. Where’s the line man? In any case, amen that I will continue to stand up and not conform to the world, that I will stand upon the truth and be rooted in the Word. Amen that I will continue to thirst and continue to hunger, like a camp fire that starts small but its flame continue to grow. Amen that others will see a difference in me, know that there is something about me, and get to know Christ through me. And that I may impart and share my experiences with others. Amen that I will not walk by sight, but I will walk by faith.  Amen that I will not base His love or my life upon an experience, a feeling, but on the Word of God. Amen that Daddy you do a deep work in me and you complete it to perfection. Amen that you continue to mould me into the woman that you have called me to be. Such a privilege to be prayed for by my family here. Love. 

I give thanks to you for everything. I give thanks for You, Daddy, without which I have nothing. But through You and because of You, I have Kol.

 

My family…my home away from home… F.R.I.E.N.D.S…”I’ll be there for you…”

Dill’s birthday present

My first cake in shanghai!

Dillon really surprised me. Yes, he did make things difficult for me. I will bring the birthday exam paper back home. It’s one of those items that will bring back a ton of memories in the future. I don’t think I’m gonna bring the wayang princess head gear stuff back home, but the exam paper is definitely in.  

Dillon surprised me totally with his thoughtful present. The most jaw dropping coming from the candle and the match stick box – “I shine for God” and the rmb1545 – I fight for God. I was amazed. Like man, is this Dillon?!?! Especially since he was publicly affirming me and encouraging me at a public table mixed with believers and non-believers? Wah… never expected that. That was soooooo cool. It must be God.

Layers of his love…

My very unwilling victim who only compromised after his mummy threatened not to give him his dessert.

 

Tug of war

Tonight. Was the third happiest day of my life in Shanghai. Fellowshipping with Kurk, Joey, Tim, Laine and Tiff at RenJian. Daddy… it’s going to be so hard. I’m going to need ALL of you to take ALL of me back home. It’s so interesting how for 2 consecutive nights, people from both sides were tugging at my heart strings. And how ironic that I thought it would be so easy to leave this place behind.  

Yiwei “when are you coming back? Can you like come back now”

vs

Cindy “I can’t bear to think of you leaving already” 

Timothy: yeah but anyway, please take time to talk to Abba abt this, let me know if possible by Sat morning =)

vs

Kurk “why in such a hurry… you’re here only once in your life, church camp is every year”

vs

Yuanzhen “when are you coming backkkkkkkkk” 

For 2 consecutive days I got this from both sides… I know Daddy wants me to look into this. Make up my mind. Argh. Daddy you know I hate to make decisions. Argh. Absolutely. Sometimes I rather not have wisdom, not have a free voice, so you can just tell me what to do. But I know that you created us to exercise decision making and you have equipped us for it. Praise God. So yes… you know what you have to do. And once that is done, time to book air ticket dates! And don’t look back. Look forward. And stand firm. Sit, still, throne. Sit, still, throne. Sit, still, throne. 

I am so thankful tonight. So loved tonight. So grateful tonight. I just want to sing. I just want to dance. Daddy.. you are faithful. So faithful to me. Good night daddy!! Sweetest dreamz to you. 

Thank you Babe, for your words of wisdom. They make so much sense. I can’t wait to share room with you for camp. Haha…does that mean I already know my decision? Lol.

Protected: He’s not done…

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password: